Wednesday, December 23, 2015

The Waking Beauty

The first touch of his cold fingers had a warmth to it that Sheryl couldn’t quite place. As his fingers grazed her neck inching slowly and deliberately all the way down to her bosom, a chill ran down her spine. He was finally here to claim her.

Sheryl had felt his presence before. She had heard his whispers. But it had always been like the wind in some distant corn field. But tonight, she could feel his breath on her skin right behind her ear, and his voice had a piercing clarity.

“Give in, Sheryl… I know you want me too”

In that instant, she knew exactly where the warmth was radiating from. Her body, withering from years of abuse and neglect, quivered as she felt his hand slide down and deeper into her warmth. She felt his cold, impudent mouth on the nape of her neck and she found herself surrendering to his whims and fancies. Tonight would be the night

Sheryl had never felt love. No, it wasn’t love that resulted in her teenage pregnancy four years back. In fact it may have been the lack of it that led her to neglecting her baby to the extent of starving it to death. Or maybe it wasn’t. Maybe some misplaced motherly instinct in her told her that her breast-milk was too contaminated for her child. Maybe she just didn’t care enough. She would do anything at all and fuck anyone at all to be able to buy herself another fix. Yes, Sheryl led a loveless life

She expected him to grab her hair and take her from behind, like many others before him had. She expected no tenderness, love, or care. She expected him to rip her to shreds. But instead, he turned her around, and in his deep blue eyes, she saw something she had never seen before. She wished it had been kindness… or pity - emotions that she was familiar with, thanks to occasional wayfarers who did not want to stick it in her and bought her a meal instead. But what she saw in his eyes was neither  

Sheryl was just twelve when she had her first whiff of cocaine. She hadn't learnt to snort it yet. Her step-father thought it a good idea to get her to depend on him for something if he wanted to have his way with her. Her mother was by now either too drunk or too grumpy or too old to excite her 'daddy'. Reality turned ugly and looked tolerable when it remained a blur. So it did not take Sheryl too long to graduate to shooting speedballs up her veins through a syringe

Sheryl did not close her eyes or reciprocate when the cold lips touched hers. But she suddenly felt the warmth between her legs getting transferred to her bosom. No, it was not just on her bosom. She felt it somewhere deeper in her heart and she couldn't figure for the love of God why her eyes were welling up. So she closed them tight letting the tears stream down her cheek, locked her trembling lips with his, and felt the warmth engulf her entire being

Somewhere, on a cold winter night a long time ago, a handsome bearded man she had little memory of was reading from a fairy tale book to his baby girl.

"At the top of the staircase, the prince moved on past sleeping footmen and silent chambermaids until he came to the room in which the velvet couch was. The prince's heart overflowed with love as he gazed upon the lovely girl, fast asleep. Never in his life had he set eyes on such tender beauty. He could not help but fall in love at first fond sight. Bending down, he planted a gentle kiss upon her lips. The princess awoke"

Sheryl bit her lips and muffled her moans as his mouth wandered around exploring her. He did not leave any bit of her skin untouched. The little nibbles, the soft grazing of his moist tongue, the gentle caress of his fingertips, all left her wanting more and more. And then she gasped as she felt him enter her slowly and fill her up from within. For a second Sheryl thought she could hear the siren of an ambulance. But then, pleasure took over her senses
In the chill of the winter night a long time ago, the story continued

“The princess awoke. She stared uncertainly at this intruder on her dreams; and then slowly her gaze mellowed into purest love. The palace suddenly grew light and warm: Sunlight streamed in through doors and windows, making the dust and cobwebs fade right away. Outside, the dense forest faded and gave way to green lawns and rose beds, lakes and fountains – just as it all had been one hundred years before upon Aurora’s birthday”

In the distance, Sheryl could hear unfamiliar voices calling out to her, asking her if she could hear them and begging her to stay with them. Beneath her she could hear a constant rumbling, like that of trolley-wheels. And above her, beyond her lover's shoulder, blurry hospital lights were passing by like an endless train. But Sheryl couldn't care less. For the first time in her life Sheryl Aurora Barker was being made love to. How could she have known that true love was just one overdose of cocaine away. One spine shattering orgasm, and he would carry her away in his strong arms to his dark realm, far far away from this loveless world

“The hour soon came for Prince Charming and Princess Aurora to set off on their honeymoon. Leading the way down to the stream, the Lilac Fairy helped them into her waiting boat. And with a wave of her magic wand, she sent the boat gliding smoothly down the stream, pulled as before on silken threads by three giant butterflies. As the king and queen and all the guests waved goodbye, the Lilac Fairy smiled a contented smile”

For she knew that Death had conquered Life… once again.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

A Confused Moment

And then there’s that moment. You know the one I’m talking about; when all that prevails is utter confusion.  You try so hard to be the person you’ve practiced to be in front of the mirror, but you know something’s wrong, and what’s most annoying is that you can’t quite put your finger on what it is that you aren’t doing right.  You’re still trying so hard to figure it out when all you should be doing is smiling back. But you just can’t, … because her smile caught you off guard. She wasn’t supposed to smile! She was supposed to just look away when your eyes met! Is it the squint that you’ve been practicing that you think makes you look like Clint Eastwood? Nah! That’s not it. If you squint any more you won’t be able to see anything. Is it that slick thing with the zippo that you taught yourself to do? … Never mind! Now the moment has passed! …Sigh!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

From Jack, to the Queen of Hearts

It is said that love can sometimes be magical. But isn't magic most often just an illusion? Sheer trickery? So believed the Jack of Clubs. He believed neither in luck nor in fate. Being in the inner circle he knew that most people who won in the casino did so by cheating. Most games were rigged, and the few times when somebody actually won, that somebody always made sure that he/she lost everything that had been won in the next couple of games. No, there is no such things as luck, good or bad


When he found himself looking into the eyes of the Queen of Hearts, Jack did not think that it was chance that brought them together. Just a play of probabilities. It was bound to happen sooner or later. It could have been any other card. She wasn't special. Just one among the fifty two. But what did catch his attention was that she had been crying. He knew it because of the black streaks of mascara on her beautifully painted white face. She had been through bad times

Jack could never handle more than a few minutes of silence. It had always felt awkward. After each shuffling he always found someone new next to him. Their proximity didn't last for long, but he always had a nice time with whoever was near him.

"Rough game night, eh?"

She did not respond

Then he remembered a joke the Joker had told him

"A man is like a deck of cards, y'know?", he quipped

She looked at him, a hint of curiosity lingering about her eyes. A question mark manifested itself amidst the intricate patterns that surrounded her

"Well,..." he continued, "you need a heart to love him, a diamond to marry him, a club to smash his friggin' head in, and a spade to bury the bastard"

What happened next changed Jack's life forever. For the first time in his life, he started believing in magic. Her smile was by far the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Purely magical!

Night after night, he waited for the games to get over hoping that tonight he would find her next to him again. He started losing his interest in every other acquaintance. Sometimes it took weeks for them to be together again, some times months, and some-lucky-times just a day. He started wishing that probabilities would favor him sooner. It was not until the Ace of Spades pointed it out that he realized that luck is what happens when all probabilities favor one. On every night that he found her next to him, he considered himself lucky. Thus he started believing in luck too. And all one needed to be lucky was to believe in it totally.

He would always have something new planned for her. His lil magic tricks. Not that there was anything magical about the tricks, but the smile they triggered was always magical. Before long, the smiles led to something that seemed even more magical. Love. Pure, undying love for her. She had become the reason for all that he would learn and practice. He cooked up stories, jokes, learned more tricks, and did all he could, just to see her smile

Year after happy year passed, and like all good things, Jack's lucky streak too came to an end. Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months. It has been a whole year now and there still hasn't been any sign of her. Did jack move on? Perhaps he did. Or perhaps he didn't. What I do know is that he still spends his days learning new tricks. And would jack give up everything he has to feel the magic again? Hell yeah, he would. Which is probably why Jack decided to open up to someone

I found it extremely hard to believe my senses when Jack started talking to me. At first I thought it was either that I was going insane or that I regularly had one too many a glass of scotch on poker nights. But soon enough I observed that the queen of hearts never showed up in any of the games. That's when I decided to write this and put it up on my blog. Maybe, his queen of hearts is out there somewhere. Maybe one day, she would chance upon this blog and read this. Maybe someday, luck would favor him again. I don't know for sure. But here I am, doing what I can for him

From Jack, to his darling Queen of Hearts

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

The whisperer in the winds

There! Caught you again. Fighting your urges to covet me, telling yourself that I do not exist, and that I am but a mere figment of your imagination. You really want to believe so. But you cannot. For I am, and will always be...

...the whisperer in the winds, cold and warm, sometimes telling you just what you want to hear ,sometimes voicing out your deepest fear, and sometimes saying things that send goosebumps crawling up your skin

...the keeper of your darkest secret, the slave to your whim and desire, and the master of your sinfullest fantasy. Perhaps your only doorway to ecstasy.

...the bitterness of dark chocolate. The scarlet of fresh blood. Berries, blue and black. The freshness of mint leaves. The sweet red wine on your lips, and the dark enamel on your nails

...the reminder of everything heard and forgotten, of names you just cant seem to place, of dreams you cant remember. I'm everything that's shrouded by the mist and beyond the brook. I'm the yellowed pages of that cover-less moth-eaten book

...the shriek in the rain. The flapping of leathery wings. The silence in the graveyard. The voice in the woods. The distant howling of a wolf. The raven's cry. The echoes in an empty hall. The footsteps on the other side of the wall

...the childhood companion you never knew, the one you secretly grew up with, the one you painfully grew apart from. The one who treasures your every smile and your every drop of tear. The inexorable truth. The only thing that is clear

You sense me lurking in the shadows at the pit of your heart. You find me shackled in a chamber deep down and dark. And then you see me holding the reins of the chariot of your dreams - the one drawn by desires and fears

For I am, and will always be...
Everything that could have been

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Cinnamon, Coffee, and Passion Fruit

Wispy white fumes rise up from the black porcelain cup, hoping that the sea breeze would be kind to enough for once to let them climb. But it withers away the fumes spreading the aroma of coffee and cinnamon, mixed with the salty smell of the sea, and the memories of a skin that smells faintly of passion fruit. Its that time of the day when clouds turn crimson, birds go back to their trees, and memories wake up from where they had been put to sleep. I stir the coffee for a bit with the cinnamon stick before taking it out, wondering if its the amber sky, the cinnamon stick, the sound of the waves, or the strumming of that distant guitar that just woke up the memories. The strumming grows louder waking up more memories. I sip on the coffee which continues to let out cinnamon fumes. I see the guitarist walk past - a gypsy of sorts with long dreadlocks and sun-scorched skin, and a guitar that seems to have stood the test of time and still managed to sound beautiful. Son of a bitch! May be there are things in this world that get better with time. The used cinnamon stick lay wearily on the black saucer, still damp, still smelling good perhaps. The memories loosen their grip on me as the strumming fades into the waves, leaving me and the cinnamon stick alone...and gloomy. And I say this to the cinnamon stick: "Trust me, I know what it feels like, but your job here is done"

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

The Pinky Promise - Draft 1

He believed in the words. They were her words and she had them engraved beautifully in nice running letters around the silver ring. "Eternally yours". And now, with her gone, the ring was all he could hold on to and he did so by selling everything else he had. Zeus, Aphrodite, the matador and the bull, the cherubs, the two headed dragon, the giant sea-turtle. He sold them all. Marble statues he had sculpted for her out of sheer passion and love. They were never intended to be sold.

Yes, he was a sculptor. For a living, he made tombstones, and occasionally, a bas-relief or two, or an angel of death for a graveyard. He hadn't made any after the day he carved her headstone. The bas-relief on it had their hands hooked in a pinky promise and the Celtic writing below it read "I will win you back, Carissa. I promise I will win you back a thousand times over if you leave me". Hector and Carissa were both in their early twenties and had just realized their feelings for each other when they had that conversation. They were a very handsome couple. She had asked him what he would do if she ever left him. He had looked deep into her beautiful blue eyes and replied with the promise, and she had made him hook pinkies with her and repeat it. "I promise I will win you back a thousand times over if you leave me". Hector meant every word of it when he said it. Five years later, when he wrote it in stone, he still meant every word. But for this he would have to travel to the dark continent. He would have to seek out the voodoo priests and convince them to teach him the blackest of their tricks. Necromancy. Bringing back the dead. And for this, he needed money. A lot of it

It cost him seven years, twenty one of his favorite sculptures, and a good part of his soul to finally master the dark art. Today was the day he was going to finally put it to practice.

He had made all the arrangements just the way Shaman Bimkubwa had taught him. He had drawn a perfect pentagram with the white ash from incinerated elephant tusks. On each of the five corners he had erected a six foot tall burning torch. Inside each of the five triangles, he carefully drew the symbol for one of the five elements. On the five intersections, he placed the severed heads of five billy goats. And right on the heart of the pentagram, lay the most life-like of all his pieces of work. Lying on her back was Carissa, life-sized, bare naked, and moulded out of earth soaked in goat's blood. She looked stunningly beautiful even though she had reddish black skin, empty sockets without eyes and toothless black gums that showed through her parted lips

Head shaven and skin painted, Hector danced around her like a mad man, chanting the magic words he had learnt. With iron pliers, he pulled out his fingernails one by one and placed them on her fingers, crying out in pain, but never for once stopping the chant. Then he did the same with his toe nails, followed by his teeth. He placed them all carefully on her, planting them exactly where they fitted. He found it harder now to utter the words through his toothless blood-filled mouth. But he wasn't done. He took out a sharpened piece of ebony and started skinning himself, writhing in agony while doing so. Somehow, through all this, he managed to gurgle out the chant unobstructed. He covered every inch on her with his bleeding skin. There was one last thing to be done. He placed one arm on her face to make sure he had the position right, and with the other, he gouged out his eyes. He could stand the pain no more. A cold shadow shrouded him numbing all his senses at the same time

When he regained his consciousness, he couldn't remember whether he had placed the eyes in her sockets or not. The wind felt like fire on his exposed flesh. Every inch on his body burned. All around him was the same shadow. But it wasn't cold anymore, nor did it numb the pain. He lay there waiting in the darkness

It seemed like an eternity before he finally heard her voice

"Hector?"

Her voice was smooth as silk, just the way he remembered it. He reached out a hand with the intense desire to feel her soft touch

"I'm not sure I want to do that" Said her voice

"Why not, lovfff?" Blind Hector found it impossible to speak properly without teeth "It iff I, your Hector"

"I know", said Carissa "I see the ring"

Then there was a pause. One that felt like for ever

"What happened to you?", she continued "you....you're ugly. you look like an abomination, and you speak funny!"

"That iff unimportant" said Hector " You haff been afleep for a very long time. Thingf haff changed a little. But I am fftill your Hector. I lovff you. And I haff won you back. Dont you lovff me?"

She did not reply

Hector found that the darkness made time stretch a lot longer. He had always been the patient one. He could definitely have waited longer for her reply. But his blindness and pain made him unusually impatient

"Dont you fftill loff me, Cariffa?"

She giggled at the way he pronounced her name. Then there was the same awkward indefinite pause again. And then, with much effort, came the reply

"Honey,... I know you love me. I dont know what the hell has happened to you, but you look horrible and scary. You look nothing like my Hector, the one I fell in love with. He had beautiful olive skin, long curly locks and sexy hazel eyes"

"But..." Hector stopped. Not because he didn't know what to say or because he too didnt particularly fancy the way he sounded. He just knew all of a sudden that the things he wanted to say would not make any sense to her

"I'm sorry, sweetie", continued her voice "I cannot do this. I don't feel the warmth for you anymore... Forgive me"

In the pitch-black, he heard her footsteps fade away slowly and he tried to picture her walking away in his olive skin and with his hazel eyes. Then something took over him. Something that strongly felt like the commitment to an unfulfilled promise. He couldn't feel the pain anymore. He smiled a toothless blood-dribbling smile and said, mostly to himself

"Well, that waf jufft onffe. I pinky promiffed I'd win you back nine hundred and ninety nine more timef"

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

When the sun goes down for the last time


No thanks to the book I'm working on right now, I find myself waking up everyday feeling like a love sick puppy. Here is a quickie poem scribbled next to a quickie ball-pen sketch. Just felt like sharing this page from my scribble-pad